someone owes me an orgasm
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
