just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
