"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
