At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
