Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
either way he was missing a nipple.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
