How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
pop tarts are not kleenex
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
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