last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
we're so committed to being not committed
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
