All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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