dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
