i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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