Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
