What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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