He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
Randomize
