Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
