How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
