We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Randomize
