i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
