Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Randomize
