I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
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