she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
