it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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