My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Randomize
