Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Randomize
