I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
