Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
