tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Gay?
German.
Pity.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Randomize
