He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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