i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
