and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
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