hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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