Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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