Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
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