if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Randomize
