i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Randomize
