So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
This can only be settled by a dance off.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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