You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
