Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Randomize
