Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Randomize
