I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
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