Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
that is very illegal...i love you.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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