the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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