everyone is single if you try hard enough
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize
