so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
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