Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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