Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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