There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
You can't just leave with hair like that
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Randomize
