I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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