it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
