I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Randomize
