dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
love makes seman taste better
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
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