You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Omg I joined a choir last night...
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