Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
