Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
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