Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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