i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Randomize
