Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
