this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
did i just pee glitter
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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