That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
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