He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
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