Apparently you make a good broom.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Randomize
