u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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