take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
