i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
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