kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
